For the last four years or so, October means three things:
1) it will start snowing (usually at the most inopportune time possible)
2) it will be a struggle to watch postseason baseball (I don't have a TV and my internet is shady at best)
3) i will be working extremely hard on music
Today all three of the aforementioned concepts are in play: I missed the Royals/Athletics game last night (which seemed like it was a doozy), I've just now begun serious work on my dissertation composition, and it is snowing!
So, hello October, let's do this.
Here are the rules of engagement for my dissertation piece:
1) the orchestra only has 2 horns
2) it must use electronics (my own rule)
3) it will be read on January 8th
4) it has to be a an original contribution to human knowledge
5) I will most likely conduct the orchestra
One of these five tenets is not like the other... namely number 4. Writing a piece with only 2 horns can be overcome, especially with the use of electronics. Printing and laying out parts by Jan. 8th is no big deal either. My conducting chops are OK and I'm looking forward to addressing the creative and technical concerns with integrating electronics into a full orchestra.
It's just this whole #4 issue that I keep coming back too.
And so, after a couple weeks of procontemplating (procrastinating by contemplating), I've decided that I just need to write what I'm going to write and hope that #4 works out. I think any more thought than that on the issue and I'm doomed to writing something potentially insincere. Being true to yourself may seem like the obvious thing to do from outside the process of working on a dissertation, but inside the process, believe me it is much more complex here in the thick of it.
For example some days my thought process is something like this:
If I write x kind of piece, people will be able to write about it easily, if I write y music, it will win competitions, if I write a z piece, it will fit in with z crowd and they have contacts in Denmark who would want to play it, if I write an xyz piece, then everyone will love it and it will receive it's Danish premiere right?
This kind of thinking can certainly place artistic sincerity into the category of a liability. Those three points really have to do with achieving some sort of success, and possibly building a kind of career. Success and career are certainly important, but if I've learned anything in my life it is that you can in fact be trapped by your success and or your career. For me, it was OK because I was able to continue my artistic pursuits while running a successful music business, but in this case, if my creative work is going to essentially be my research, then writing something disingenuous seems like the biggest mistake I could make right now.
I don't want to give the impression that I'm going to simply fall back and write exactly the same music that I've been writing for the last ten years. The whole purpose of going through the process of focusing on one composition with an intense amount of scrutiny and inquiry is to evolve my artistic and musical thinking. I'm just saying that I need to believe that what I'm doing has enough integrity that it will fulfill the conditions of number 4. We'll see if I can stick to my guns throughout this process, maybe you all can help keep me honest.
That said, I've decided to blog about the process of working on my dissertation and each week I will put up a new post. My next post is going to contain some thoughts about the ICMC-SMC conference that I attended a couple weeks ago in Greece.
-dev
